I'm Back!!

Hello!

How have you been?

Well it has been 20 months, yes 20 months, since I have written a post. Where has the time gone? Well I can tell you life has been manic. It has been that busy I really do not know where to start. But one thing I can say is that you can take the blog away from the girl, but you cannot take the blogger instinct out of this girl!

The last 20 months have seen me go from working part time, to working full time while running a household, bringing up the kids, being wife, project manager (yes we finally had the extension built) and a professional juggler of life. Needless to say, it all took its toll.

12 months ago I broke.
Mentally I broke.
I simply could not take it anymore.
Exhaustion kicked me right down.
I became shrouded by the dense dark cloud of anxiety and depression.

I turned in on myself.

I could not smile and when I say smile I mean a natural, true smile. I could put on the fake "yes I'm ok" smile but the people closest, like the hubby, could not be fooled.

I did not want to leave my house, my safe place. 

I would panic when I had to leave the house.

I struggled to find the right words to say.

I crumbled and my rock, my hubby, had to witness it all, helpless because no one could help.

To top it off I had health problems which certainly did not help. Inevitably I was signed off from work, prescribed more tablets to help control my mental state. But what truly made the difference was seeing the staff welfare psychologist. She helped me to see what the problems were, helped me see what I needed to do to not go back to the bottomless pit I felt that I was in. I had to admit that I had taken on too much, I needed to let something go, I needed to prioritise me, something that I haven't really ever done.

One piece of invaluable advice she gave me was to always think;

I
Me
My

With her help, and the medication, I started to pick up and made the decision to reduce my hours at work to regain an even balance between home and work. For the last 6 months I have been working 5 hours a day, I take the twinnies, who have just turned 8, to school, go straight to work, do my job, finish in time to get home and collect the twins from school. Perfect!

My anxiety is not 100%, there will always be that part of me that teeters on the edge but I am learning to control it. Before my place to vent was here, my little blog. Since stopping my posts I have not had the heart to delete it. I always said before that blogging was my therapy, a place where I can be and say what I want and feel. Part of me always knew I would come back, writing is a part of me.

Before I pressed pause on my blogging, it became a chore, it became all about the numbers/stats, the views, the likes, the comments, wanting to know if I was good enough and comparing myself to others. 

That is not why I started blogging.

I started blogging because of my love for writing, my love of food and my love of the blogging community that I became part of. I made some amazing friends.

One down day the hubby asked me "why don't you start writing again" and I could not honestly think of one reason not to.

This time is going to be different.

This time I am in charge, I am writing when I want, about what I want and because I love it!

There are a lot of changes that I will be telling you about, the main change is the change to our diet. Our diet has had a complete modification. We are now a plant based family! Gone are the animal based foods and we now enjoy a plant based diet. I am planning to share our journey here and the mountainous task of getting all three kids on board.

For my "quick hello" this has turned out to be long post, but hey once I start writing I struggle to stop! I have so much to share and cannot wait to get writing again.

Enjoy
Kirsty x