What a Couple of Days!

Sorry for being so quiet!
The last couple of days have been emotionally exhausting and when the children have been in bed I have been too tired to even think about writing! I have also been spending some quality time with my loved ones.
It is hard to comprehend that it has only been 1 week since we got the devastating news about my grandad so much has happened! He has gone from being ok to not being very well at all and is unfortunately in hospital at the moment. He is the best place and is getting the best care that he needs. We are just hoping and praying that the antibiotics start to work so that we can get him back home with his family.
At the moment we do not know what to expect. A week ago none of us would have believed we would be where we are now!
The last couple of days have gone by in a blur of looking after the kids, visits to my nanna's and visits to the hospital!
I worry a lot about my nanna too, being on her own can not be easy. But I am happy in the knowledge that she has a good support network of neighbours and friends who live in the village. Plus we have been going over practically every other day this last week. At the moment it is easier with Joseph being off school but when he returns to school I know that it will be harder to work around school times.
Hopefully by the time Joseph returns to school things will be back to normal.
Today is a new day and I hope and pray that we get some better news, God knows we need it!

Not The Best Outcome

Well today was the dreaded D-day. The day we would find out whether the cancer had slowed down or not.
Unfortunately we got the heartbreaking news that it has not slowed down. So now we really do need to face the harsh reality that this is something that will not go away. It is here to stay and it will inevitably leave us devastated.
As I have said before I cannot imagine life without my grandad in it and nor do I want to but I know, that one day, I will have to face that outcome but until it happens I really do not need to deal with that. Call it denial, call it what you will, its my defence mechanism coming into play and that's how I will cope until then.
But I have made a promise to myself to go over more often, even if it is hard work for me on my own with the children, the hard work will be worth it because I know, deep down, that if I do not make more of an effort now, one day I will regret not doing more. They have always been there for me. During the good times and during the bad times that I've been through they were always there for me. They never lost faith in me and I am proud to say that I didn't let them down.
Since being very young I can remember them having a huge impact on my life. This is why I am finding this all so hard to digest, he has always been there, I want the twins to know their Gramps as Joseph does and enjoy having him in their lives as I did when I was a child.
The only way forward, for me, is to go on as normal, well as normal as possible, and just be there whenever they need someone.
I pray that the new medication slows it down so that we can have some more time to create more memories.