I will pre warn that this is not the happiest of post, I am sorry.
This weeks word undoubtedly has to be..
Anxiety
I am feeling extremely anxious.
Yesterday I took a huge step and went to see the doctor.
For the last 3 - 4 months I have had a huge black cloud hanging over me. Thinking back, it arrived 10 months ago when we lost my grandad. But during the last few months it has really been effecting me. I finally decided at the beginning of the week that I needed to confront it and admit I have a problem. There are only so many melt downs and tears that one person can take! I knew there was something wrong as this is just not me. I am not like this. I have a happy home life, three beautiful children and an incredibly supportive husband. I have no reason to feel like this.
But I do.
As soon as I walked into the doctors room I broke down and it all came out. I have been diagnosed with depression. The doctor has said that it may be a delayed form of PND or it may be a build up of everything and it has suddenly come to a head. I cannot believe that I am saying any of this. This is not me. Or that's what I thought anyway.
Today is the start of change. I am going to tackle it and dig myself out of the hole that I am in. I have started some medication today which I am anxious about. She did warn me that the side effects can be horrible for the first 2 - 3 weeks. I have researched on line and so many people have said how awful they are so reading that has made me more anxious. It is is worrying but the doctor said that if I can stick them out they can really help. So I am trusting her and am hoping I am strong enough to stick out whatever side effects I get, if any.
I want to be proactive on my recovery. I am planning to get out more. I want to attend play groups with the twins, there is a new twins group which I was contacted about so I might start there. But first I need to get in the right frame of mind. I just know I don't like the way I am feeling at the moment.
Sorry if I am rambling on. The doctor told me to talk, but I am not a talker. But I am a writer, I can write about my feelings and emotions in a way I cannot talk. It is easier to write it down. To get it out of my head. So thank you for "listening".
As always I am sharing my word of the week with the lovely Jocelyn at The Reading Residence
Depression is such an awful illness. I hope with a combination of medication and talking to people you will feel better soon. If you can open up to people you know it can really help. Hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you took that step and went to see the doctor! Hopefully you'll feel better soon! I'm the same when it comes to talking, so write whatever you need to get out if it helps x
ReplyDeleteI think you did the right thing by visiting your doctor. I so hope your medicines make a difference for you and you can get back to doing all the things you like and enjoy. xx #wotw
ReplyDeleteHugs!! Good luck with the medication I hope it helps....
ReplyDeleteI hope this is the beginning of your recovery, and well done for being brave and opening up about it xx
ReplyDeleteAt least you have taken a step in the right direction, I hope you begin to feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteI think you have been very brave and I am sure that even if you don't want to talk then sharing it on here will help. Bloggers are usually very supportive. Wishing you lots of luck and hope you will feel better soon xx
ReplyDeleteOh, Kirsty, you've done so much already by going to the doctor, sharing it here, and so starting down the path to recovery. I do hope that the medication does work for you and you don't suffer too many side effects. Wishing you the best of luck and sending hugs your way x Thanks for sharing with #WotW
ReplyDeleteHey lovely you've done a very brave thing - well two actually as now you're sharing it with us. Sending hugs xx
ReplyDeleteSo so many of us have been in your position, or similar, and know how hard this can be. Don't feel guilty about needing the meds, and I really hope they help - sometimes our brains need something else to try and get back on the right track, so fingers crossed they will do the trick, without too many of the side effects. I have MH problems on and off, and my husband is incredible too, and sometimes that somehow makes it worse, because I feel guilty to be putting him through having to deal with me - these are common reactions, so try to be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon, as trite as that sounds.
Lucas
(#WotW)
I'm so glad you went to the doctor and have taken the first steps to feeling better. But stop researching side effects RIGHT NOW lady! You might not get any, r only very mildly, and you don't need another thing to worry about - and it sounds like your GP is sensitive and sensible so will be alert to any issues. Good luck x x
ReplyDeleteI don't know you but I am so proud of you for being so open and honest about your feelings. It sounds like you've been so brave to recognise your feelings and do something about it. I hope you enjoy the new twins group and find some support there x good luck!
ReplyDeleteOh hun, I want to give you a hug. I was diagnosed on October and felt exactly like you, I don't have the right to feel like this, this is not me. But that is the thing with PND it just happens and we can't control it. I hope your meds start to work hun xxx
ReplyDeletedepression is awful, I've had many bouts over the years, sometimes meds are the right thing... but make sure that you have lots of support too
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear that you have been able to make the difficult first step. Hope writing has helped you.
ReplyDeleteIt's brilliant you've got this outlet to write it all down and express it. So many people don't have that...or the bravery to confront it head on and seek help. I hope it all gets lighter and easier...and happier really soon!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for sticking up for yourself and seeking help! This really is a courageous step. I understand your anxiety about medication. Any medication has side effects, and which you'll get, depends on your sensitivity. I had no side effects from my antidepressant and have been on it successfully for nearly four years. You are really strong for also trying to get out more. You're not alone.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for sticking up for yourself and seeking help! This really is a courageous step. I understand your anxiety about medication. Any medication has side effects, and which you'll get, depends on your sensitivity. I had no side effects from my antidepressant and have been on it successfully for nearly four years. You are really strong for also trying to get out more. You're not alone.
ReplyDeleteThat must have been so difficult for you but now that you have done something about it, things can only get better. Keep writing when you need to - even if sometimes you decide not to actually publish the post it will help to get it down.
ReplyDeleteYou went to the doctor, so thats the biggest hurdle over and done with! Try to avoid looking stuff up online as this could make you worse. Hope you get through this soon x
ReplyDeleteJustJulie | Beauty Blog
Thank you for sharing this really really personal detail to us readers. Can I confess that I have planned this long time ago but I cant find time to really go and see the doctor. Maybe because on my part I know the reason why I am sad. I really miss home and I haven't gone home in 3 years which made me really really sad.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you will feel better. Good luck to your medication too. #wotw
Oh, Kirsty, how incredibly brave and strong to seek help. Such a huge step. I really hope that the medication starts to work quickly for you. Keep writing, we're all here reading and supporting xx
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing by visiting your doctor, I hope you feel better soon xxxx
ReplyDeletewell done for making the first step to recovery x
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that you are suffering with depression. I think that it is fantastic that you have taken the steps to get help as that is a huge hurdle to get over. If writing is a good outlet for you, you should keep doing it. Do what works best for you. I'm glad to hear that you have a great support network.x
ReplyDeleteDepression is a horrible illness and speaking as someone that has come out the other side, you have to force yourself to do things, it takes time but it can be beaten xx
ReplyDelete